On the 12th of March 2018 I had the absolute privilege of attending the "Raising Children Who Shine" conference, being gifted a $300 ticket from work to this event I felt so appreciative! I took away so much inspiration for my own parenting as well as an Educator!
There were 4 amazing speakers at the conference and if you ever get a chance to hear any of them speak - as a parent I recommend attending!
The first speaker was DR Vanessa Lapointe, from Canada, whi is a child psychologist and she talked about Discipline Without Damage which focused on connection and a nurturing approach to discipline. Allowing children to have dependency on you and to use empathy to guide parenting. She talked about brain development and how using methods such as time outs consequences and removal of privileges and reward systems can work periodically but over time can have damaging effects on developing minds. She explained how to
de-escalate children's frustrations and anger and how to respond & prevent behaviour. It was looking at the root of behaviour and a child's needs based on the individual child because there is never a one fits all when it comes to guiding children ! - Aint that the truth!
She talked about Role VS Relationship and how often as parents we use our "role" as a means of force. We use what we know abut our child's likes and dislikes against them. Whereas if we focused on Relationship as the bottom line, instead, then it is more powerful to connect with kidsso later on in life they will be independent and able to cope in stressful situations. Vanessa has her own book called Discipline Without Damage - how to get your kids to behave without messing them up! She was quite real, she didnt pretend her life was perfect with her own kids, which i liked, it was organic and authentic. Her main message was "remember you are not managing an inconvenience, you are raising a human".
The second speaker was Maggie Dent - her humour and realness really made me enjoy her talk. Her topic - my favourite! was "Dear Little Boys, - Giving Boys A Great Start". She is a mum herself of 4 male adults and she talked about brain development , how boys develop their right brain before their left, so they act impulsively and have not yet developed their logical side. Where as little girls are different, they develop both at the same time. Maggie talked about bonding with boys - how mums should go and fart on their sons to find common humour and bond - HAHAHA! She's great right! She talked about encouragement and acknowledgement , ow boys are visualand respond well to high fives and fist bumps as little ways of encouraging them along. She talked about non-verbal connections and the importance of bedtime rituals and small things you can do with boys to help them. She told us how boys are either Roosters or Lambs. Lambs are your sensitive nurturing types who never want to leave home. ( That is my Eldest- my Lamb ) , and your roosters are those which take the lead, full of adventure and take big risks ( This is my littlest - God help me! Cheeky as ever!) She said we want to raise boys so they are somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of Roosters and Lambs. She talked about reducing stress for boys and communication skills and temperament and how boys are just as emotionally vulnerable as girls. That we need to get rid of the stigma of "you'll be right", "toughen up" because it teaches boys that they cannot express their feelings. It was quite scary to learn that men have a higher chance of suicide, and depression and other health issues than womanalot due to being fearful of being seen as weak or not being able to express their feelings. She explained that alot of their emotions as youngsters can come across as anger when in fact deep down it may be fear, or sadness or rejection. She talked about the importance of physical activities for boys. She has a great book called "Some Things About Boys" . She was amazing!
The next speaker was Kristy Goodwin and her topic was "Raising your Child in the Digital World" - What parents carers and educators really need to know. It was very interesting and fact based and I had done a lot of it before in my Protective Behaviours Course about keeping kids safe online. But it was very good nonetheless. For non-educators I would recommend following Kristy on Facebook as she guides you through how to ensure your kids arent being exposed to things they shouldnt be. She too has a book named "Raising Children in the Digital World" . It talks about online safety where when n how children should be using devices. Then she told us that horrifyingly the average Australian child experiences 32 hours of screen time per week. she talks about how screen time is important but needs monitoring and how to keep children safe on the internet.
The last speaker was DR Justin Coulson who is a psychologist and he has 6 daughters! He wrote the book "10 Things Every Parent Should Know" . He talked about how to really listen to your child, how to minimise distractions and be open to connection. Much the same as Vanessa he talked about turning towards children and using nurturing approach, rather turning away - dismissing them or time outs and turning against - arguing and escalating situations. He talked about sibling rivalry and showed amazing techniques to aid conflict resolution. Looking at asking one child what the other child did. How it made them feel. What they did and how their actions made their siblings react/feel. He drew it in 4 boxes and showing arrows so the child can see a circular pattern and showing children they both contributed to the disagreement and hurt one another with their actions and they both need to acknowledge their role in the disagreement. Its about ownership of behaviour, and recognising how your actions impact others. He talked about mindfulness, taking time out to find joy. He explained how from 0 to 18 years of age we only get roughly 936 weekends with our kids if we are lucky so we should make them count!
Overall an amazing experience! I reccommend to everyone to either read these peoples books or hear them speak if you get a chance. AMAZING!
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